Samia was the fourth or so child to arrive. Her nanny looked very familiar, so I wonder if she was one of the caregivers from Shanghai Healing Home. My mind was so focused on Samia that I didn't even ask her any questions--a move I regret as I should have thanked this woman profusely for taking such great care of this child. How do I know she did? Because Samia wanted nothing to do with us. She was attached to her. And this woman was very attached to Ai Juan (pronounced eye-chooWEN).
Samia shook her head violently and cried when her nanny pointed to me and said "mama." Our rep finally came over and told her it would be more helpful if she actually left, and the look on her face was so pained, so sad... She did not want to leave this little girl, even though she seemed so so happy to see her Forever Family, and see how much I was just aching to pick her up and comfort her.
Layne said she watched us from a distance for a bit, and left sobbing.
We received the most amazing bag of items from the nanny. A gorgeous book from SHH, professionally printed and bound. And books that looked handmade obviously with love and care and thought, little scrapbooks of photos and embellishments and notes about this amazing girl. There was food, a change of clothes, favorite toys of Samia's... This is what a bagful of love looks like.
The little photo book that we made for Samia was in there. When she spotted it, she reached out and snatched it up and held it tightly to her chest for the next two hours.
Any of you considering making is trip, let me tell you what you need to go out and buy right now.... Go to the dollar store and pick up a tube of those little bracelets that you crack to make them glow. Samia was fascinated, as was every other kid near us. She hoarded about six of them and held on to them for dear life. Jaidyn's very important job was to make the little bracelets and it was a great thing for her to focus on, be a part of comforting her sissy.
Also unlike Jai, Samia wanted nothing to do with daddy. Jai bonded instantly with Layne and it took a good two months before she attached to me. She wanted me only when it was time to eat or when she was sick and wanted someone to fix it. Samia wouldn't let him even touch her, so he took lots of photos of us and the other families. He was deeply affected by Samia's pain and fear.
She cried one of those deep, wrenching, body-convulsing cries for hours. On the bus, she fell asleep against my chest but her body still shook every few minutes with those deep, awful sobs. Every little bit it hit me like a ton of bricks and I just sat there holding her and crying too. During all this, I watched one of the other girls next to me sitting with her daddy, a very quiet little thing who hadn't made a sound yet. I actually watched her grief come on... Her lips started to turn down, began to quiver, the tears welled up in the corners of her eyes... It took about ten minutes to happen, and it was something to see in slow motion. When she started to wail, the reps and everyone on the bus cheered.... There she was! The dam broke! She was going to be ok.
When we got to the hotel, I couldn't hold Samia and Jai AND get into the room, so I let go of jai and put Samia down to search for my room key. Very, very quietly, Samia reached up and took my hand. She looked up at me with big eyes and held on tight to my fingers. I was so shocked, so touched, that I just stood there looking at her. Jai finally said, "mommy, can we go inside?" and just like that, the three of us walked in and I finally felt like this was going to be ok. Samia was holding my hand.
-Nik
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